When it comes to applying for a job with a music biz icon, nothing says “I’m qualified” like saying “I’ll be your b*tch.”

Just ask the kids responding to Diddy’s search for a personal assistant, which the hip hop impresario is conducting through YouTube:

“If you feel that you could be my assistant, okay, I want to know why you could be my personal assistant. So what better job than that, having me screaming at you, keeping you up late after hours, have you sleep deprived? If this job interests you, why don’t you upload, I’ll say, your video interview…it’s a new age, a new time a new era. Forget coming into the office and having a meeting with me and being nervous. Upload it to YouTube and tag it “diddy assistant.” Keep it three minutes or less, okay, I don’t like anything long-winded…this is gonna be fun.”

Right, and by fun we mean good for some laughs, and by laughs we mean at you. Below, a few examples of YouTubers telling Diddy why they’re qualified:

• Because I’ve worked for one of the top plastic surgeons in California. Yes, and now you talk like Uncle Fester on Novocaine. Kudos.
• Because I’m sideways. How thug is that?!
• Because I’m wearing Doc Brown’s sunglasses. Style? Where we’re going we don’t need “style.”
• Because I worked at an auto auction.
• Because I possess the mental capacity to be your personal soldier.

There’s no word on the deadline for this contest, though it’s my sincere hope it never, ever ends. Good luck, Diddy. If you want my vote, choose this one here.